Chapter 8 - MARIANA LOSES THE PREGNANCY
At twelve weeks, the bleeding returned.
This time there was cramping.
Mariana knew before the ultrasound.
The pregnancy had stopped developing.
She miscarried.
Carlos sat beside her in the clinic.
He cried silently.
Mariana did not.
Not immediately.
She asked:
“Was it because of that day?”
The doctor answered:
“We cannot say that.”
Carlos looked angry.
The doctor continued:
“Many first-trimester miscarriages are related to chromosomal problems. Subchorionic bleeding can be associated with increased risk in some cases. We do not have evidence that one specific event caused this loss.”
Mariana stared at the wall.
She wanted someone to blame.
Carlos wanted someone to blame.
Mrs. Hernández already blamed herself.
Medicine gave none of them certainty.
Mariana’s miscarriage also revealed how differently the three of them used blame.
Carlos wanted a culprit.
Mrs. Hernández wanted punishment.
Mariana wanted certainty.
None got what they wanted.
The pathology testing after the loss did not produce a definitive chromosomal answer.
Sometimes it does.
Sometimes it does not.
The physician told them:
“You may never know why this pregnancy ended.”
Mariana hated that sentence more than any diagnosis.
At least a diagnosis gives shape.
Uncertainty leaves space.
Grief rushed into it.
So did imagination.
Carlos imagined:
if I had stayed.
Mrs. Hernández imagined:
if I had not entered the room.
Mariana imagined:
if I had started iron months earlier.
Each counterfactual assigned control backward.
None could be proven.
Mariana’s grief counselor asked her to distinguish three questions.
What happened?
What caused it?
What do you feel responsible for?
Mariana answered the first:
pregnancy loss.
The second:
unknown.
The third took longer.
“I postponed bloodwork.”
The counselor asked:
“Did your doctor say that caused the loss?”
“No.”
“I worked too much before the wedding.”
“Did your doctor say that caused it?”
“No.”
“I stayed in that house.”
Silence.
That answer was not medical.
It was relational.
Mariana did not believe the house caused miscarriage.
She did believe staying there had exposed her to treatment she should never have had to endure.
That was something she could change going forward.
That was brutal.
Also honest.
Mariana finally cried in the car.
May you like
Not because the doctor refused comfort.
Because the doctor refused a story.
