Chapter 11 - ROBERT'S BEST ARGUMENT
Robert’s lawyer told everyone something uncomfortable.
Robert was not wrong about every parenting concern.
Noah did need limits.
He did sometimes use crying to avoid transitions.
He had bitten another child.
He had thrown toys.
He could not be allowed to hurt people because he was overwhelmed.
True.
Sarah agreed.
The therapist agreed.
The investigator agreed.
What they rejected was Robert’s conclusion:
therefore fear will teach him faster.
The child psychologist put it simply.
“Structure and intimidation are not synonyms.”
Robert looked away.
She continued:
“You can require a four-year-old to stop hitting without making him afraid of you.”
That distinction destroyed the excuse Robert had relied on most.
He had treated anyone opposing physical punishment as someone opposing limits.
They were not.
The parenting program challenged Robert with one question he hated.
“What are you afraid will happen if Noah stays sensitive?”
Robert answered:
“He’ll get crushed.”
“By whom?”
“School. Boys. Life.”
“So you are trying to hurt him first?”
Robert stood up so fast his chair scraped the floor.
“That’s not what I’m doing.”
The facilitator waited.
Robert sat again.
Then whispered:
“I’m trying to make sure nobody else can.”
The room went quiet.
May you like
There it was.
He had mistaken preemptive hardness for protection.
