Chapter 4 - NINE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE EASY
Daniel arrived home after dark.
He looked terrified.
Claire had never seen him that way.
Not guilty.
Not exactly.
Exposed.
Lily was asleep at Claire’s sister’s house.
That was deliberate.
The first conversation belonged to adults.
Claire placed the Emma photographs on the table.
Daniel sat.
He did not deny anything.
“Emma was my daughter.”
“I know.”
“She died before we met.”
“I know.”
“I should have told you.”
“Yes.”
Then:
“Why didn’t you?”
Daniel looked at his hands.
After Emma died, people asked him constantly:
How are you?
Do you want to talk?
Are you okay?
He hated it.
He changed jobs.
Moved apartments.
Stopped seeing friends connected to Maya.
One year later he met Claire.
She asked about children on their third date.
Daniel said:
“No.”
Technically false.
Emotionally, he had started thinking of fatherhood as something that ended when Emma died.
Claire stared.
“You erased her.”
Daniel flinched.
“I erased myself from that life.”
“Same result.”
Then he told her about the phrase.
NINE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE EASY ONE.
Emma was supposed to turn nine.
Daniel had promised her a birthday trip to Washington, D.C.
No elaborate party.
No toys.
Just museums and hotel pancakes.
The accident happened three weeks before.
For years, Daniel could not look at nine-year-old children without thinking:
That was next.
Then Lily turned nine.
Something changed.
Claire asked:
“What?”
Daniel’s answer was frightening.
“She passed Emma.”
Lily became older than Emma had ever been.
Daniel began measuring both girls against each other.
Not consciously at first.
Then obsessively.
Lily lost a tooth at nine.
Emma never did.
Lily started fourth grade.
Emma never did.
Lily learned to ride a larger bike.
Emma never did.
Every milestone felt like betrayal.
Claire whispered:
“Whose betrayal?”
Daniel looked ashamed.
“Mine.”
Then:
“I started thinking if I could build what Emma’s ninth year might have looked like, I could stop comparing.”
Claire stared.
“So you built a bedroom?”
May you like
Daniel nodded.
But that was only the beginning.
